Lord, Open my eyes to see You by Brunella Carlberg

Lord, Open my eyes to see You.

…To see what I am blind to.

…To see what You want me to see. 

…To Come and See.

…To have the courage to face our sin.

…To have the courage to share Jesus with others; to share our story with others. 

My name is Brunella Carlberg, and when I was asked to give a witness statement, I said yes without hesitation. I am honored to stand before you and tell you my story. 

10 years ago this month, on March 3, my youngest son Peter, at the age of 23, died from a heroin overdose. He suffered from substance use disorder for many years. Besides that, he suffered from daily migraines for most of his younger years. Peter was very active in AA, and even started Heroin Anonymous in the Northwest Suburbs. He was an amazing person and helped so many people. He was a warrior! More than 500 people attended his wake. 

When Peter died, I remember calling Fr. Ryan and asking him through tears, if he thought Peter was in heaven. And of course he said yes, that Peter was sick and Jesus is merciful. I worried about that for a long long time. 

For the next 6 weeks after his death, I read every book I could find on near death experiences because I wanted to know what Peter experienced at the moment of his death. All of the accounts that I read said that they were not afraid to die because of what they experienced, and were even disappointed that they did not die. It comforted me knowing that Peter got to keep going towards the light, which we know is Jesus. But it wasn’t enough. I was still searching for more answers. 

Enter St. Padre Pio. And this is the part that I am so excited about. About 20 years ago, My mother came over to my home very excited, telling me that Padre Pio (1887 – 1968), was going to become a saint, and she handed me the newspaper article with all of the information. I said, “Who?” She looked at me and said, “Brunella….what do you mean you don’t know who Padre Pio is?” I took the newspaper article, made a folder for it and filed it away without reading it. 

For years I was getting a Padre Pio newsletter in my email that I never read but instead, filed away. Six weeks after Peter died, I got another Padre Pio newsletter in my inbox. This time, I opened the email. I was curious. 

What I read was that Padre Pio had the stigmata of Christ on both hands, both feet, and his side which bled for 50 years. When he died, the stigmata disappeared with no trace of a scar. I also read that he heard confessions every day for sometimes 9-10 hours a day. He also had the ability to tell the penitent exactly what they did and when. This drew many hundreds a day to him. 

Among those who traveled to San Giovanni Rotondo to have their confession heard by Padre Pio, was the future Saint, Pope John Paul II. Many prayed to Padre Pio for physical and mental healings and were in fact cured. When Pope John Paul was a young priest, a very good friend of his was seriously ill with throat cancer and the doctors gave her no hope of being healed. He sent a letter to Padre Pio to pray for her, and Padre Pio did. The doctors decided to operate, but she was healed before entering the

operating room. She lived to be 99. Pope John Paul II canonized Padre Pio on June 6, 2002. I was reading this newsletter at a very late hour, and was really tired and decided I would read more in the morning. But before I closed my laptop, I read the following: 

“Some Saints possessed the gift that is known as “odor of sanctity”. This gift allows somebody to perceive the Saint’s presence in the smell of personal perfumes.” 

“Whenever anyone smells the perfume it is a sign that God bestowed some grace through the intercession of Padre Pio.” 

When I went to bed that night, I cried and said a prayer to Padre Pio. I told him that maybe if I had prayed to him to heal Peter, he would still be alive today, but my biggest fear was that he didn’t make it to heaven. 

I fell asleep, and I woke up at 2:00 in the morning to the smell of perfume. It was as if someone was holding a bouquet of flowers under my nose. It lasted for about 15 minutes. I was confused and wondered what was going on. Then I remembered what I had read about Padre Pio, and I realized that Padre Pio was present at that moment through the scent of flowers that I was smelling. The message I got from God, through Padre Pio was that yes, Peter is in heaven. I fell back asleep with the most peace that I had experienced since before Peter’s death. I had my answer. I woke up several times during the night and did not smell anything, but at 4:00 in the morning, it happened again. I believe that Padre Pio wanted to make sure I got the message. This time, I smiled and closed my eyes and continued to sleep. 

In the morning, I called my mother and told her what happened. I was so happy! We have a family home in northern Italy, and that summer, I had plans to go to Italy with my mother and father. I told her that I felt a strong desire to make a pilgrimage to San Giovanni Rotondo, in southern Italy where Padre Pio is buried to thank him. 

When we got to Italy, I was told of a couple that went to visit Padre Pio’s tomb every year. My mother and I asked them if it would be ok if we went with them and they happily agreed. In the car, they told us that the very first thing they do when they get there is go to confession. They said that everyone that goes to see Padre Pio goes to confession because that is what he was known for. I looked at my mother with a look of shock on my face, because I had not been to confession in 35 years and that was not why I was going! 

Well, when we got there, we went to confession. I had no idea what I was going to say, but I felt the hand of someone, God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, Padre Pio…… guide me straight into that confessional. I had no time to prepare, and I had no idea what I was going to say. Lord, help me to have the courage to face my sins. I started out with Bless me father for I have sinned……and I had to say it really fast because I was afraid I wouldn’t remember what came next. That being said, the next thing I said was, “It has been 35 years since my last confession, these are my sins.” 

I started out telling the priest that Peter had died, and that I prayed to Padre Pio, and I smelled his perfume and that I felt that Padre Pio was calling me to come and thank him, when the priest said,……”wait wait wait! Padre Pio called you here not because of your son, but for you to return to confession.” For the next 10 minutes or so, I cried and cried and cried while he told me of the importance of confession and forgiveness and so many other things. He did all the talking. I did all the listening. And then, he said he had to run because he had to say Mass. He absolved me of ALL my sins, gave me my penance, and I was done.

I RECEIVED THE GOLDEN TICKET! I got the get out of jail card. Whatever you want to call it. This was God’s mercy for me knowing that I didn’t know how to start after all of these years, but I trusted in him. For 3 years after that, I asked many priests during confession, if I was really absolved of all my sins even though I didn’t say a thing. The answer was always yes, that God knew what they were and he absolved me. 

Something changed in me after that confession. I had a solid foundation in my faith, but it grew stronger after Peter died and that experience with Padre Pio. Looking back over those years, I prayed when I needed something. When the kids were grown, I slept in on Sunday mornings instead of going to Mass. I worked hard all week. I needed to sleep in! I was a good person. I prayed the rosary when Peter would relapse, but then when he would come home, I didn’t need to pray anymore. 

My eyes were opened, in that confessional. I looked back at those years, and the things I was doing and not doing, and asked myself, “What were you thinking?” I heard the term Cafeteria Catholic, and realized that was me. I decided what I wanted to do. 

If I had not gone to visit Padre Pio, and gone to confession, I would not be doing the things I am doing today. And I am not doing them because the church says I have to! I want to. I have a deep desire to. Since then, I do go to confession regularly. I don’t miss Mass on Sunday. I am in the choir, the handbell choir, and I go to the Women’s Retreat every year. I loved Bible Study on Saturday mornings. For many years, I went to daily Mass. I am constantly reading books about the saints. I read every book I could about Padre Pio and I am re-reading one right now. I have an unquenchable thirst to read more about them. I don’t do these things because I have to, I do them because I can’t get enough. I do these things because I want to. 

My faith has helped me endure the suffering of losing Peter. I know where he is and that I will see him again. When I receive Communion, I feel the closest to Peter, because I am receiving Jesus, in the Real Presence of the Eucharist, and Peter is right next to him. Pete is happy. I hear his voice all the time saying, “Mom, wait til you see what I see.” 

I have had so many “Padre Pio Moments'' in the last 10 years, but I’ll close with this amazing one. Peter has 2 sons. Noah is now 15, and Bentley is 10. At the time of his death, his oldest son, Noah was 5 and had not been baptized. After Peter’s Mass of the Resurrection, Noah’s mother came to me and said, “This was the most beautiful Mass I have ever been to, and I think it’s time that Noah is baptized. I would like it to be here, and I would like Fr. Ryan to baptize him.” I called Fr Ryan to see if we could have the Baptism on May 11, which is Peter’s birthday. He said he couldn’t because First Communion was taking place on that day. He suggested May 25, and we agreed on that date. What I found out later, reading the life story of Padre Pio, is that Padre Pio’s birthday is May 25, the same day that Noah was Baptized. 

Thank you for listening, 

Brunella Carlberg